Week 1: Hope Springs Eternal

The draft is over and everyone has won.

Some teams drafted in the top 5 and had the chance to take a can't miss superstar. Antonio, Julio, Le'Veon, Green, or DJ are guys you can count on each week to put up huge numbers and shoulder the burden of less consistent options on your roster.

Then some teams drafted later in the round but made lemonade out of it, rationalizing that they got better depth in a snake draft where it's sometimes good to only have a few spots between picks. You added key cogs to your roster that you knew might not put up huge numbers but could certainly be counted on.

Finally some of you took a walk on the wild side, gambling on guys like Zeke, AP, Luck, or rookies earlier in the draft than some felt comfortable with considering the circumstances. You figured with just a little good fortune you could find yourself sitting atop the mountain with a gaggle of riches on your roster, fielding offers for the surplus of talent you alone possess.

...and some of you might have auto-drafted but you're not worth talking about too much. Shame on you.

Going into week 1, everyone thinks they have a shot at the crown. But things can change in an instant.

The Glory


Tulsa CleOkieDokie 84.7, Savageville Got Dammit 62.2
Bird vs Magic. Ali vs Frazier. Lebron vs Durant. David vs Goliath.

This matchup isn't in the same stratosphere as any of those. In a battle of futility, two low scoring teams did their best to score as few points as possible.

Just as he was getting a big head about drafting an underrated PPR specific running back, CleOkie saw Danny Woodhead go down to IR and Chris Hogan basically disappear in the most racist offense in the NFL.

Despite CleOkie's best attempt at securing the top waiver claim spot, Savageville showed a lot of heart and a will to compete for that privilege. Martellus Bennett once told Brandon Marshall that "6-time Pro Bowlers can get knocked out too," and apparently the Dallas defense agreed, holding Marshall to 1 reception for 10 yards, a meager 2 fantasy points. And Jimmy Graham managed to haul in 3 receptions and somehow only manage 8 yards for 3.8 points, looking more like a D-League basketball player than a dynamic tight end. With David Johnson going down for the foreseeable future, can Savageville put a band aid over the wound for awhile? He left Mike Gillislee on the bench in week 1 so he'll have to hope for consistent goal line contributions from him going forward.

OG Glory 77.7, NC Naija Nightmare 98.5
Who would have thought Adrian Peterson would be outscored by Isaiah Crowell? Fantasy is all about matchups and scheme fits. By simply changing teams a player can go from dynamic to unproductive or vice versa.

For OG Glory, Peterson, Kelvin Benjamin, and Tyler Eifert were anything but glorious, but with some solid waiver wire acquisitions it looks like a minor setback for a major comeback.

Naija Nightmare was carried by excellent wide receiver contributions from Hopkins and Cooper and a converted wide receiver turned running back in Ty Montgomery. The team managed to almost touch triple digits despite less than stellar performances from Kirk Cousins and a negative output from a normally solid Patriots defense.

Team Logan 142.1, Settle 4 Le$ Sippers 95.1
Andy Dalton is looking like the redheaded step child of the league right now and had a performance that would have fit well with Browns quarterback performances of the recent past.

Team Logan may be tied for the least creative name in the league, but right now they know no equal when it comes to scoring. They came out hot in week 1, sending a strong message to the rest of the league that if you're not in the triple digits you may not have a fighting chance at contending for the title this year. Huge performances by Tyreek Hill and Stefon Diggs lead the way for a team that showed no mercy despite a strong performance by their opponent.

4 Le$ Sippers overcame a terrible performance by Andy Dalton in large part because of a strong performance by the Rams defense who went to the buffet and ate their fill against Scott Tolzien. Despite a strong score of 95 points, the roster looks a little shaky after week 1 so will they fight against overreacting through 1 week or will they heat up the league with some trade proposals and waiver activity?

Kams Killers 104.9, Cleveland Milf Hunters 129.4
A good matchup of two teams that show a lot of promise going forward, Kams Killers benefitted from taking a chance on Zeke early in the draft and while Le'Veon Bell struggled against the Browns new defense, the two headed running attack should make them a force to be reckoned with despite a wide receiver group that leaves something to be desired.

The Milf Hunters proved to be well named when Kareem Hunt went out and brought down a doe with a 45.6 point rack. If Gronk gets back to health and Martavis finds his rhythm (and stays away from the grass) and Green stays healthy, they may have a shot at the crown. They are a team with some question marks that could go either way but with a little luck they should continue to put up a great score each week.

Team Scott 83.6, Team UsmcAssassins 98.9
This was another battle of two teams that probably need to be active in reshaping their rosters if they want to contend. Similar to CleOkieDokie and Savageville, they just don't seem to have the can't miss superstars that other teams can count on each week. That said, they had respectable scores, leaving just enough hope that they can turn things around with the right moves in a long season.

Melvin Gordon put up a very nice game for Team Scott but Eddie Lacy continues to be a disappointment and something of a one hit wonder as he offset Gordon's 18.9 with a disappointing 0.3 of his own.

UsmcAssassins bet big on the Patriots by taking Cooks and Brady in the draft but got snake bitten by the surprising Chiefs performance. Looking ahead it's hard to imagine that the Patriots struggle so much so there is certainly hope for this team, but when the kicker is almost the top scorer there might be trouble.

Team Manziel 135.9, HOF BIG TYME 129.8
A good old fashion slugfest, both teams punched each other in the mouth and gave their best shot. With less than 6 points separating them, this was a showdown of two strong rosters who will be in the middle of contention all season.

Team Manziel left some points out there with less than stellar performances by Russell Wilson and DeMarco Murray which should be encouraging for their team going forward since they put up the 2nd highest point total in week 1 without getting major contributions from those key spots. Antonio Brown shouldered the burden and lead the team with 29.

BIG TYME was probably a Julio Jones performance away from victory as the dynamic receiver failed to put up his typically impressive numbers. Christian McCaffrey also had a less than perfect debut as the Panthers are still trying to figure out the new wrinkles that get the ball in the hands of the talented rookie.

While both teams scored well in week 1, there is reason to believe things will only improve for them going forward which should scare some of the low scoring teams in a league that seems split between the haves and have nots.

Any Given Sunday


Kizer Permanente 84, THE MEDELLIN CARTEL 107
The commissioner is certainly not one to hold back in his bravado and in week 1 his squad took advantage of a favorable matchup to put a W on the board. The gamble on taking Zeke early paid off and pending something changing on the ruling of his suspension, he should be a start and forget type guy, holding down a position in the lineup with consistently solid numbers all season behind that strong Cowboys offensive line. This roster also features the top scoring QB from last year in Matt Ryan and a top 3 receiver in AJ Green who should be targeted even more heavily going forward with Dalton struggling early in the season and if healthy, could lead the way toward collecting a prize at the end of the year.

Kizer Permanente is a roster with some question marks early. Dez Bryant and Joe Mixon figured to be dynamic scorers but had a false start out of the gate in week 1. While Zeke was eating, Dez couldn't get a seat at the table with Janoris Jenkins draped on him all night. Despite only 2 receptions for 43 yards, it's not time to panic as Dez was still targeted 9 times and figures to have a strong bounce back performance. Mixon only put up 4 fantasy points and might need to be benched for awhile until the Bengals figure things out on offense but he's a playmaker and should be featured by the end of the season.

Uncle Brew 115, Cock Meat Killers 123
When your roster isn't stacked with superstars, you need to be able to count on the scoring of the guys who figure to be playmakers. Uncle Brew saw disappointing performances out of DeMarco Murray, Kelvin Benjamin, and Jimmy Graham, but a surprise performance by Adam Thielen and a business as usual strong performance by Melvin Gordon kept them close this week. The decision to draft Kenny Golladay late appears, at least early on, to have the potential to be one of the steals of the draft if he continues to be the deep threat target for Matthew Stafford. Said owner Matt Howard, "Jimmy Graham and Kelvin Benjamin were major letdowns for me. I had faith in Adam Thielen and it payed off but it wasn't enough." When asked what he was doing to address his roster going into week 2, Howard pointed to his defense. "I'm a strong believer in streaming defenses but it's nice having Jacksonville to fall back on." Howard claimed the Raiders defense and hopes to take advantage of a favorable matchup and he claimed Charles Clay because he believes that he is poised to have a big year in an offense that sent Sammy Watkins to LA and will need to find playmakers to target.

The Killers got a surprisingly average performance out of Devonta Freeman and despite a roster that seems to lack true superstar firepower, a spectacular performance by Stefon Diggs proved to be the difference in this matchup as he went off for 93 yards and 2 TDs on 7 receptions and looks to be a key target for Sam Bradford. Will this be a trend going forward or was Diggs' performance an outlier that can't be counted on?

Team Hoagland 112, Pink Ponies 91
Hoagland benefitted from strong performances by Marcus Mariota and Ty Montgomery and Antonio Brown lead the way with 29 points, carrying the team to victory despite a weak performance by Gronk and an early injury to Danny Woodhead. The gritty (white) PPR running back looked to be an important part of a Ravens offense that lacks playmakers but looks to be on the shelf for at least half the season with a hamstring injury.

The Ponies were giving slow rides to kids at a low budget carnival instead of galloping out of the gate but Le'Veon Bell won't be held to single digit fantasy points very often and if the Seahawks can put together something that at least resembles an offensive line it's unlikely that Russell Wilson repeats his week 1 performance. And if he does, Sam Bradford is waiting on the bench for an opportunity to prove why he was a #1 pick when healthy. A solid waiver claim of Buck Allen is something to watch this week against a Cleveland defense that has historically struggled against the Ravens and is still in their early stages of finding their identity as a unit.

The I480BRIDGE 106, AnYwhere BBB 115
The 480 Bridge jumped off to a good start despite Tom Brady's struggles against the Chiefs. Shady McCoy and Amari Cooper lead the way and an early synergy that seems to be forming between DeShone Kizer and Corey Coleman netted 16 points for the 2nd year wide receiver who will face a tough defense in Baltimore this Sunday.

AnYwhere BBB suffered a major blow in week 1 with the injury to David Johnson that shook up the fantasy landscape but the good news is that Leonard Fournette was benched this week and had a strong performance in an offense that is trying to win in spite of having Blake Bortles by running the ball and playing good defense. Tyreek Hill picked up where he left off last season and the Chiefs are finding as many ways as possible to get the ball in his hands. Matthew Stafford equaled Hill's fantasy production and proved that while he may not be an Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady, there were at least reasons why Detroit had to cave and pay him.

Team Champ 121, The Gold Standard 84
Champ starts this season with a strong fantasy performance that sends a strong message that his team is built well with guys who should give him a steady point base. Jason Witten and Golden Tate lead the way and the roster as a whole put up a pretty balanced performance with 7 of 9 starters putting up double digit fantasy points. There are some questions as to whether all of these guys can be expected to have the same kind of performances going forward but if this turns into a trend instead of a one time thing, Champ may be right in the middle of the hunt for the cash at the end of the season.

Not all that glitters is gold and The Gold Standard was anything but a precious metal this week. The Rams defense took advantage of a favorable matchup against Scott Tolzien and lead the way with 29 points but the next 3 highest scorers only combined for 29 and Eli Manning only had 6 more fantasy points than Colin Kaepernick this week so there are certainly questions at the QB position right now. Asked what he thought about Eli's performance, team owner David DiBianca said while allegedly laughing aloud, "He is who I thought he was. Just buying my time until I get Luck back, hoping he can keep me afloat and around .500 ball. When asked about this week's performance Dibi said, "Sucked" (while laughing aloud) "But I was down Evans so we will see." Finally, when pressed for comment to address all the haters who claim he is more bronze than gold, Dibi left a mic dropper, boldly claiming, "they will see in the end the gold standard will be holding the gold at the end of the year." With Mike Evans returning to the lineup after Hurricane Irma and a strong waiver pickup of Tarik Cohen, the Gold Standard might have just needed a little polishing to get themselves back into contention.

Team Da Mob 75, Money Guy 138
The Money Guy didn't even buy Da Mob dinner and left the cash on the dresser. This one was ugly but in a long season it's best to not overreact without knowing exactly who their teams are this early.

Da Mob only had 2 starters put up double digit fantasy numbers and will need to hope for guys like Greg Olsen and Martavis Bryant to bounce back next week. But the real key going forward is whether TY Hilton can be counted on while Andrew Luck is out and how quickly Luck can get back and elevate Hilton's production. A savvy move to pick up the Chargers defense this week against a favorable Miami Dolphins matchup should help stop the bleeding for now but look for the trade market to heat up in the coming weeks.

Money Guy was the benefactor of Toledo's Kareem Hunt who put up a spectacular 44 fantasy points and the Ravens defense that should come out aggressive against a rookie QB in week 2. With OBJ still trying to get healthy, this team lacks real firepower but getting Jay Ajayi back after the hurricane should help and when active, Odell figures to be the focal point of that offense. If Hunt can continue to benefit from a high usage rate and check downs from Alex Smith, this team may contend despite having a roster that is top heavy and lacks depth.


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